Rain, Rain Go Away

Well it’s a gloomy day here in the great big city of San Antonio. It’s been raining all day, and I hate nights like this. However, I do find the sound of the rain tapping on my window very relaxing. I know many people enjoy the rain, especially when you’re from a city where drought are very real. I know I have friends who enjoy dancing and running in the rain, a very common memory couples love to make is kissing in the rain. I remember there was point in time where I found the rain very fascinating. I loved it, I remember my mom would always get after me when I got home from school because I would come home drenched. “Why are you all wet? You’re going to get sick.”. Apparently “I was jumping in puddles” was not the answer she wanted to hear. But over the course of years it was like every time I would receive bad news it was raining. Kind of cliché, don’t you think? You know how you watch those movies and it’s storming outside and someone knocks on your door and tells you your husband’s car went off-road and was found at the bottom of a lake. Well I very much would fit into that cliché, the bad news cliché. I mean now that I think about it, every bit of bad news I have received for the past several years it was raining. When I was 14 and was told my grandfather had passed away, it was raining. When I was told my cousin who I had mentioned this past time had passed away, it was raining. When I was told my dog Minnie had passed away, it was raining. (I have now build a correlation with death and the rain). Actually earlier this year my boyfriends best friend passed away. He was involved in a car accident, was ran off the road. Although I wouldn’t say that it was raining heavy it certainly was that heavy mist. The mist that makes the roads extra sleek, in my own opinion that is what I think made him lose control of the car. When they told us, my boyfriend and I were sitting in the hospital, we had gotten very sick. I would never forget that night. My boyfriend had received a phone call from his friend’s sister. I had never seen him so torn, I had never seen him cry that much. It broke me, it really did hurt. I was sad to hear about the death as well. I loved him too. But when I had seen my boyfriend break down that way, it was a new pain for me. Something I can’t describe. It still hurts him and when I see him cry about it, it still hurts me. His friend’s birthday would have been tomorrow, and here it is raining again. I guess every time it rains I’m praying that it’s not me who is receiving bad news that night and I pray that whoever is receiving that bad news finds the strength to carry on. In my eyes I think rain is cause by the angels crying. They feel your pain and they cry with you.

When I feel gloomy like this I think long and hard; there is always one memory that gets me through the rainy night. Ok guys, ready for this one? Don’t laugh at me. But I remember very clearly when I was a child, I had to have been 6 or 7 and there was a horrible thunderstorm going on. My cousin Crystal were busy building a tent to hide us from the “oh so scary thunder”. Suddenly the power goes out. We screamed and began crying (little girls are such drama queens). Two minutes later, my father walked in and turned the light back on. At that moment my cousin and I had convinced ourselves that my father had some kind of magic powers. I don’t know why we panicked so much, it was like we had thought we were going to be stuck in the darkness forever. 😀 We were so goofy, but every time I start feeling anxious about the rain I remind myself: The rain and darkness will never last forever, the sun will always come back and shine for you.

To all my San Antonio friends and family be safe out there. To all of those from parts of the world where it is raining I hope you are safe and warm as well. Tonight the angels are crying, I pray everyone is doing alright. I love y’all.   (To my followers not from Texas, yes I said y’all, you can stop laughing now.)

I could have sworn I had a cup of hot chocolate right here next to me, I was almost positive I hadn’t finished it yet… Two year old now has a chocolate moustache. -,-

Life As I Know It

Greetings world, and all who inhabit. So this is my first blog so forgive any rants. Well I guess if you have entered my blog then your first question is what is my blog about? Why am I writing? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? To be or not to be? Well I guess to get to my point I have to start with some background information, right? Well it all dates back to the year 1942… I’m just playing but it does go back to my childhood. As a kid I was very quiet, shy, and extremely bright. I wanted to be a doctor. I enjoyed helping others and wanted to make a difference in the world. Selflessness was one of my strong traits but at times it was a weakness. I was a straight A student who received many awards. Not only was I bright but creative and I was very fond of reading and writing. As I grew up of course I went through those rebellious stages and turned into a living nightmare for my family. I ended up dropping out of school moving to North Dakota (I’m from Texas), marrying at the age of 18 (I was divorced at 19). I felt I had thrown my life away. I always had a thing for behaving recklessly, until right before my twentieth birthday my life changed. I turned my life around and I fought with everything I had to better myself. Why? Why would I want to change? Because I had given birth to the most beautiful blonde hair blue-eyed baby. My oldest daughter (now I have three). After my oldest was born I went and got my GED. I wanted to make something of myself, there was no way of doing that without at least a high school education right? After my second daughter was born I figured I had to do more with my life. That now I have two daughters to take care of I needed more than a GED (I was a single parent). So I forced myself back to school with two kids I figured it would be damn near impossible to be a doctor, but working in the medical field was a passion of mine and I wanted to show my daughters not to give up on their dreams, that it was never to late to be who they wanted to be. I wanted to be a nurse, but I thought that might have been a little more challenging to achieve with two kids. So what I needed to do was take baby steps. Medical Assistant was the way to go for me! I forced myself back to school, and it was a struggle. Being a single mom of two made studying a real challenge. But I did what I had to I kept my grades sky-high. Halfway through school I ended up pregnant, again. Ms. Fertile Myrtle over here always has a knack for making things more complicated for herself. So I was pregnant, with two other kids, and a full-time student. Did it stop me? Nope. Graduated school with a 3.8 GPA and gave birth two months after finishing school. After I gave birth it took an additional couple months to find a job in my field of study. And when I did I loved it! I worked urgent care and boy I loved everything I got to see and do and I now have so many stories to tell. I felt like I was on top of the world, I had an education, I had enrolled in school to finish off for nursing, I had a boyfriend who helped me so much, I got off government assistance, my seizures were under control (I forgot to mention earlier I am epileptic). I was high on life. But then that high began to fade and I became stressed. Working 40+ hours a week, taking care of three kids, while also being a full time student, trying to keep up the household. It all began to become overwhelming. I started slacking on the housework, I relied on my boyfriend a little too much for help. I didn’t realize I was taking on too many things that I was stretching myself thin. I felt like I didn’t have enough help. I started becoming depressed and at first I didn’t realize it. All I wanted to do was go to work, do some homework, say hello to my kids and then fall asleep. All I ever wanted to do was sleep, it started getting to the point that even when I was no longer able to fall asleep I would drink NyQuil just so I could fall asleep. My boyfriend didn’t like it and it caused problems, I dropped out of school when I noticed what all the problems in my relationship were doing to my house hold. So the perfect relationship I thought I had been moving down the drain, I now dropped out of college, and then my seizures became horrible due to the stress and I had a seizure at work. Long story short, I lost my job due to the seizures. The depression grew and at times I was wondering what I was still doing alive. But I had to fight again, I had to fight to keep my family together and as happy as I could possibly keep them. I fixed things with my boyfriend, but that was as far as I could make it. I tried to go back to work but every time I try I feel like I hit a dead-end. Well staying at home all the time led to more depression, I shouldn’t be at home all the time. I should be out at work providing for my family. I tried a few different things to make some money just to get us by with my side of the bills. The depression was growing and I didn’t want to spiral down that road again. So I though to myself, what am I going to do? Do I get a hobby? Well after a long time of weighing my options I came to realize that as a child I was a very talented writer. I actually won some awards for my writing. It was another dream of mine. I wanted to have a story published. So then I thought to myself, I have the perfect opportunity so I began working on my newest story “Trapped in the Hollow Tree”. It’s a work in progress, so throughout my blog for those of you who decide to stick around and read my post and see the world through the eyes of Britt you will also get to hear of the progress of my book and be allowed to have little sneak peaks. Well that is it for my first blog I now have to log off because one daughter bit the other and now chaos is going down. Stay tuned. 😀

Traveling Circles

The darkness distorts my vision. I stand in dead center as I watch the life I created for myself fall apart right before me. So many secrets come to the surface as I fall below. As I drown I fight for some air, I fight for the strength to continue my own journey.

I hear the voices that sing to me. They sing angry lullabies and ridicule my very being. I am taunted by the ghost of my past. I see a small light, I have hope again so I run. I run towards this light. The father I run I see all the patterns; it’s Deja vu all over again. I’m going in circles. A tear escapes my eye, I will never escape. I stop in the darkness, I lower my head and pray. I cry and beg God just to make it go away. I wait in the silence, I receive no reply.

I am fatigued from my travels and dizzy from my circles. Will I ever find my peace? Will I be around to see the calm after the storm?

The Sad Truth

Hey everyone, sorry I haven’t written in a while things have been hectic for me with the upcoming holidays. Then again I am pretty sure everyone is going crazy this time of year. Although the holidays should be a time for everyone to be happy and jolly unfortunately it has become one of the most stressful times of the year for many. Have you ever stopped and thought about what makes the holidays so stressful? I know I do, I remember when I was growing up I hated this time of the year. I remember watching my parents stress about the holidays, and I remember family gatherings that sometimes seemed so tense. It always made me feel uneasy. As I grew up, and I had a family of my own I learned the truth. I don’t think the holiday stress came from finances, I don’t believe it came from “I don’t know what to make for thanksgiving dinner”; now that I’m older I realize it came from having to spend time with the rest of the family. I believe I can safely say I have a dysfunctional family, and if someone in my family is reading this and wants to argue about it then I can safely say they are full themselves.

I know I am not the only one in the world who has a dysfunctional family, in fact I think many people have dysfunctional families and they just don’t want to admit it; although some of us, I’m sure, are able to hide it better than others. My point is when walking into thanksgiving or Christmas dinner how many of us have a routine like this: cousin sarah thinks shes better than everyone else, Aunt Michelle is a drunk who sleeps around behind her husbands back, Uncle Ted sleeps with his brother’s wife every day when he goes to work. Grandpa Joe is dating a younger woman almost as young as his granddaughter, Uncle Jimmy has a son who he pretends doesn’t exist because he is too ashamed he had him commited into the psychiatric hospital.

My point is every year we all try to come together and pretend we are one big happy family when in reality the rest of the year we hardly speak or we avoid one another. I am not going to lie to you and pretend I am something I am not. I avoid having to go over to my family’s house during the holiday’s and pretend that I love being there when I don’t see them all year round.

Its sad isn’t it? When did America become so dysfunctional? When did it become ok to turn your back on your own family? When did it become ok to sleep with your brother’s wife? When did it become ok to think you’re better than everyone else?

I was thinking about this the other day as I was telling my children stories of Santa, you remember Santa don’t you? I used to wait for him all year long. I used to sing Christmas carols about Santa coming to town. I remember I would look forward to the holidays so that maybe I could catch a glimpse of this magical man who worked so hard to try and make everyone else happy when according to the legend he never had anything to gain from it in return.

But did you ever stop to think that maybe they kept his stories around to keep kids looking forward to the holidays, I guess what I’m trtying to say is maybe he was a way of distracting kids. Maybe parents didn’t want to see their kids stressed about everything that was really going on so they filled their childs head with nonsense in order to give them something to look forward to…

Any thoughts?

 

My Hero

The night is quiet, I’m watching Frozen for the hundredth time this week. I’ve seen it one too many times, I have memorized every word to every song. I am so tired of that movie, but there is no other way that I would rather spend my Saturday nights. I look over to my left and I see a little face, her eyes closed and her mouth just slightly open. She has a low whistling snore. I swoop her up in my arms, and carry her to bed. Her blonde curly hair cascades down her shoulders, and her white skin glows with the light of the television still shining on her face. She slowly opens her eyes as she feels me place her in her bed. “Where is tigger?” I chuckle a little; how silly of me, how could I forget that old thing?  I walk back to the living room to grab an old beaten up tigger with a hole in its ear and his head hanging to one side because most of the stuffing has been moved from the neck and distributed throughout the head and the torso. Tigger looks well loved. His once vibrant orange and black colors are now faded from being washed too much. I bring him back to her room, where she snatches him from my hands, and begins playing with his ear. She slowly starts to close her eyes again, “I love you mommy.” Her face looks so serene. I am always curious about what she dreams about. Who is the most important person in my life? My daughter.
Growing up I was a troubled kid,  I had no sense of family. I had a mother who did not want me and a father who i rarely saw. I thought that was what a normal family was supposed to be like. It didn’t make a difference to me, because I didn’t know there was supposed to be a difference. I thought I was happy. I was a high school dropout, the first person in my family to dropout of school. But it was no wonder why I dropped out of school, at that time you would be lucky if you could even get me to show up to class. I hung out with the wrong crowd. I guess being told I was the delinquent in the family, that I was the “bad” kid actually made me believe it was true. I had no intention of changing; I had no intention of doing anything with my life. But the day she was born my life changed. She saved me and I didn’t even see it coming. When I held my crying baby in my hands there was something inside me that felt different, for once in my life I felt whole. I felt like I had a sense of purpose. As I held her in my arms and felt her skin it reminded me of flower petals, soft and silky. I was afraid my dry rough hands would cut right through her. I could smell the new baby smell. As I looked at her little face and kissed her little nose I had this overwhelming feeling of love. That little cry was like an alarm clock to my heart; it was the wake up call I needed, it told me it was time to get my life together.
How could someone so small and so young teach me so much. She taught me what love really was. When I pick her up from daycare and I hear her high pitched voice yell “mommy!” with her arms thrown up into the air, her little shoes slapping against the floor as she comes running into my arms, at that moment there is no other place I would rather be. However, just as she taught me how to love she also taught me how to fear. As a little girl I was fearless, I was reckless and stupid. There was nothing i wouldn’t do. I was a daredevil, if you told me I didn’t have the courage to do something then I was quick to prove you wrong. I used to jump out of moving cars just to make me feel alive, but now seeing her smile makes me feel alive. However that same fearless trait that I thought used to make me so cool ended up being transferred onto my daughter. I swear nothing in my life will make my heart sink into my stomach than watching my daughter slide down the rail of the staircase; or watching her climb a tree, succeed, and decide ‘it will take too long to climb down, I think I’m gonna jump’.  How could a little girl strike this much fear into me?
As she grows, I grow with her. As she learns, I learn with her. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for my daughter. I want to better myself to make things better for her. I want to show her just like she’s shown me. I don’t want her to grow up the way I did, I want her to know she will always have a family and that she can always come to me. I don’t want her to make the same choices that I had. I want her to finish high school. I want her to go to college. I guess I’m hoping that if I show her the support that I never had, if I show her she has someone she can always rely on then she will make the right choice on her own. I don’t know where I would be without her, I don’t know how much different my life would be. What I do know is that now that I have her in my life I can barely remember my life without her. I can’t remember not having this much love in my heart. I wouldn’t want to imagine not having ever met her, or her sister, or her brother. That’s right, three kids.  Not only is my daughter the most important person in my life and not only is my daughter my bestfriend, but that little girl is my hero.

There’s Always a Loop Hole

Greetings world… so tonight I am having trouble getting my tablet to start so right now I am using my phone. Well I hope everyone is doing well this Thursday evening, or Friday morning. I’m in central time so it’s 10:05PM. Either way, so today has been a hectic world of my writing. I have finished chapter one and I am doing all my proofreading, I hate proofreading. I remember when I was a kid, that was what the teachers always criticized me for. They told me to slow down and look over my work. Every time I turned something in. I knew the answers, I knew all of them because as I was talking you would hear me say them. I just hated taking my time. But now that I think about it I have done that all my life. I rushed everything and I never bothered to look at what rushing things was getting me. For example I rushed to grow up, I wanted to prove I was grown to make my own decisions as a result I lost my childhood. Example two I rushed to get married, as a result I failed to realize that I hated this guy the entire time. To me life was a race in the words of Ricky Bobby’s father “if you ain’t first your last”. I used to think that way I wanted to be the first to do everything, but in return I feel like I lost every opportunity I could have had. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life because of all of the impulsive decisions I made, I’ve even found myself stuck a couple of times thinking I could never get out of it. So what? I’ve made mistakes does that mean I regret the decisions I have made? Not one bit. Chances are I would do them all over again. My best friend kiki and I have been friends for over 10 years and in that time she and I have gone through a lot, but we’ve always been there for each other. She has seen me get myself into so many situations that I thought I would be stuck forever, i thought there was no way out. Just like she has seen me into these situations she has seen me out of them. She has taught me that there is always a way, and there is always a loop hole. And she is so right, so for those of you who feel in a bind or stuck where you’re at remember there is always a way. I will be going to bed now, sorry the blog is a mess, I’m on my phone and I’m half asleep. Thank you, I will talk to you all again tomorrow. Im feeling a little poetry tomorrow, I might throw you a few rhymes 😀

Some Kids Will Never Know

Hello to all my followers, and anyone else who might be just stopping by my page to see the craziness of what goes on in my inner thoughts. I am so sorry I didn’t blog yesterday, I was chaperoning at my daughter’s field trip and just had a long and hectic day; my eyes were closed before I hit the pillow. Either way, my oldest daughter is in Pre-K, and yesterday was her first school field trip they had gone to the great big San Antonio Zoo. While I was there I really enjoyed seeing my kids face light up when she saw all the animals, “mommy! look elephants!… Zebras!… Monkeys!… What’s that?” It was amusing to watch her name all the animals she knew and the ones she had never seen before or heard of, for example the anteater. For those of you who have never been to san Antonio or who are from smaller cities, just so you can have a better idea our zoo is African based and it is the most awesome zoo I have ever  been to. No I am not just saying that because I am from san Antonio and I think everything in san Antonio is better, although I will admit this is often the case. 😀 I am saying this because for those of you who follow me regularly I mentioned in an earlier blog that I used to live in North Dakota, well while there I had gone to the Bismarck Zoo, let’s just say I was disappointed to see the coolest animal they had there was the Texas long horn, and a donkey.

OK I am getting off topic, backtracking back to the zoo with my kid. So there I am, enjoying the time I am spending with my kid, watching her play and get excited (so my kid is easily amused and her favorite exhibit was the fish). As I see my kid playing, and all of you who have children  know this feeling, I feel this overwhelming feeling of love. I watch her and this warm smile just washes over my face like I just want to grab her and give her a big hug and tell her how much I love her but I can never quiet put it into words. Well as I am feeling all these feelings I take a look around and see all the other kids and their parents too. The parents seem to have the same look on my face while they look at their children. Everyone is laughing and playing with their kids and having a great time.

Well I am going to apologize ahead of time for the way my brain works: I don’t know why I do this I think it has to do with things I have seen, things I have heard of, things that are going on in the world today. But while I am watching all this happiness around me my heart begins to ache as I think about all the children in the world who never get to experience this happiness. I think about the children who are beaten by their parents. I think about the children who are told they don’t matter or who are verbally abused by their parents.  I am also talking about the children who never get to experience that happiness because they are murdered by their parents.

It’s a sick and twisted world we live in. What I think is the worst part of all of this is that no one is born afraid of their mothers, babies are born with that love. They don’t know hate, they don’t know fear. All we are born with is that love. It’s heartbreaking, that child who is constantly abused they love their mom. That kid who’s father is a drunk, they probably at one point in time waited eagerly for him to come home.

To all my friends and family who know my child know she can be a handful, she has a temper, and a mouth. Some of you may some of you may not agree but I am one of those who believe in spanking your child. When she does something that she knows she shouldn’t I’ll give her a couple little swats on the butt, with nothing other than my hand.

For example, the other day she stayed home from school. She was sick the day prior and the school nurse told me to keep her home the next day. Well her and I spent the day together, I made her breakfast and my kid has an appetite like no other, right after breakfast she already has lunch on he mind. Well she is asking for fish sticks for lunch , so of course I say yes. Lunch time comes I make her fish sticks and as she’s eating I start cleaning up. She finishes up and comes to ask for more, “yes baby give me one minute.” You can only imagine the shock I had when she throws her bowl at me and begins demanding them now.

She knew she had done wrong when I put the broom down and begin heading towards her. She ran to her room so I am getting after her and give her a couple swats on her butt and tell her that is not ok and explain why it is not ok. Now any of you who have daughters should know by now they are drama queens. Either way she is screaming and saying “I’m sorry mommy, I won’t do it again, I’ll listen.” She says this every time I am getting after her and it breaks my heart. It kind of makes me think, in other scenarios how many times has a child says this to a parent who is doing more than just spanking and disciplining her child. Every time she says this I want to stop and let her off the hook but then she starts acting up again and she learns nothing so I now I have to stay consistent.

It just hurts me to know that there are parents who do not care about their children to the extent that they should. It kills me to know that their are children out their who do not receive the love that they deserve. I wish every kid had the opportunity to go to the zoo with their parents.

Well that’s all for now folks (sorry I was a huge looney tunes fan). Stay tuned for my next blog on “What’s really in the lunch meat” XD

No One Ever Knows

I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart was pounding and my body was trembling. Three months after the incident and I kept having recurring nightmares of the whole event. I had a headache and my mouth was so dry. Eh, I hate cottonmouth. I stood up from my bed quietly, and headed over to the bathroom to grab a glass of water. As I stood in front of the mirror I was terrified, I was so afraid to look into the mirror. I was afraid to see what that monster had done to me, where I stand now was the very spot I found him. I could remember looking in the mirror and in the reflection there he was standing right behind me. I grew the courage to look into the mirror. My jaw was still bruised, there was an ugly scar on my forehead, and I was missing a few teeth. When I looked at my wrist I could see the rope burn and I could tell those were never going away. My parents had been gone for that weekend and they had left my uncle tom to babysit. My ribs still hurt from being kicked around and on the top of my head I now had a bald spot where I had a patch of hair ripped from my head. I noticed I was shaking, I felt like I was being watched, and I could feel hot breath on the nape of my neck. I knew it was all in my head. I knew no one was behind me. My parents had returned the following morning when my uncle called them to let them know there had been an accident and that I was in the hospital. Here I am three months later and they still believe that I was mugged while walking home from the store. I keep asking myself why I haven’t told them. Maybe it’s because I think they wouldn’t believe me,  or maybe its because I am too embarrassed and ashamed. I’m afraid if I told them they would think differently about me, and that they wouldn’t love me anymore. I think my biggest fear would be to disappoint my father, I don’t  want him to look at me and know that as a man his son was unable to defend himself.

 

Should No Always Mean No?

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Britto’s World. I hope everyone survived their Monday. Todays been a busy day for me, I’ve spent a good chunk of it working on my book. Now as I have mentioned before my book is about a girl and it tells her story of the demons she struggles with on a daily basis. Well one of the demons she has to struggle with is someone she knows ends up being brutally raped and left for dead. As I mentioned I discuss many things that are big problems in the real world and it is no surprise that rape is a big one. I know we all know someone or some of us have even been a victim of rape. So we know how big of a problem it currently is. So of course while writing a story an author usually has to do a little research. I went about to look up the statistics on rape and different articles about rape. One of these articles really got my attention. I am curious about everyone’s opinion. So in North Carolina there is a law that many people are afraid is allowing men to get away with rape. This law states that Women cannot back out of sex after she has already began. Who agrees or disagrees? In my opinion I think that you can be right in the middle and whether you are man or woman if one of you says no hen that means no and you should stop. I don’t care at what stage you are at. I mean according to North Carolina law if I  am kissing someone and things begin getting steamy at that point is the man allowed to continue doing whatever he wants even if I were to say “I think we should stop.” Does anyone else agree with me? After someone says no, either man or woman, then shouldn’t that mean no? Another thing I have a question about, now some men have done time after being accused of rape. It later turns out the woman admits that here was no rape and she only said it because of (insert stupid reason here). The woman goes away free and no charges are typically filed. I personally think they too should be criminally charged, right? If she went and ruined someone’s life-like that or attempted to ruin someone’s life that way then I think she should carry out the same jail sentence as someone who commits rape. Does any else agree with me? These couple of topics have kind of had me thinking throughout the day, and for those of you who are active readers of my blog then you know I tend to rant, well I rant in my head too whenever I’m thinking. My rant then jumped to, well many celebrities and people with money seem to be getting away with rape by getting these bullshit sentences. 6 months? a year? I mean what is that? That sentence should not even compare to the damage they did to their victim. I think to keep things fair, all rape convictions should have to carry out the same sentence for what they have done. I don’t think, money, who they are, or who they have as an attorney should be a facto in it at all. I think rape is rape and all rape cases should be treated the same. Any other opinions out there?

We Choose Our Own Path

Hello world. Sleep is no friend of mine tonight. 😦 Sorry I do apologize I am blogging from my phone right now so forgive me if autocorrect attempts to make a fool out of me. Well tonight as I was working on the story I was thinking back on my adolescence when I was 15. I was only a freshman in high school and until then I had never experienced a true horror in the world. Or at least not by someone who I considered a friend. Well many of us considered him a friend. We were all just kids. We were kids who thought we were so grown. We thought we knew everything. This story just goes back to how messed up the world is. At 17 years old I had a friend who had killed his ex girlfriends best friend. He was only 17, I believe the girl he killed was 16. He slashed her throat with a steak knife and then ran. Crazy, huh? It was all over our cities news and everyone in the school heard about it. It caught us by surprise. What kind of world do we live in where kids kill kids? And for what? Because you think you love someone so much? He was 17. They both had their whole lives ahead of them. Chances are if they didn’t end up together they would have moved on and found other people. The ex girlfriend and my old friend both moved on. My old friend did so in jail. But it’s crazy, right? How because a kid thought he loved someone so much and just had to be with her another young girl is dead, she will never be able to move on. It’s funny when you’re that age, between 15-18 and you think you know everything. You think you know love. You think you’ve seen it all and seen all the horrors that are surrounding you. And then you come to realize when you’re in your mid 20s that you didn’t know shit. I’m sure we all remember our first love, I remember mine. He hurt me by getting another girl pregnant. I turned into a mess, became depressed, moped around. If memory serves me correct it was part of the story that led to me dropping out of school. When I look back on it now, none of it was worth it. Because look at us now? Sure we keep in touch and talk every once in a while. But he’s moved to another part of the country with a new girlfriend and I have my boyfriend with kids and a whole family. Because like I mentioned life moves on. We learn from the mistakes we make. I cannot even begin to count the mistakes I have made. If I had the chance to go back and change my choices would I? Not at all because those mistakes are who made me the strong person I am today and I wouldn’t change it for the world. We choose our path. Life is too short to live in regret. Enjoy the life you have. Be glad of the choices you have made. Well I’m off to bed, goodnight everyone. Thanks for joining me in brittos world! XOXOXO

The World is a Corrupt Place

We all know the world is a corrupt place and it too is spiraling into darkness. Hello, again, and welcome to my second day of blogging. So for those of you who are familiar with my work you would know very well that I was notorious for romantic sci-fi and fantasy novels. Well not this time. I must admit it has been a while since I have actually written anything, so to come back into the writing world and choose a genre I typically don’t use is going to be a challenge. But it is a challenge I am willing to take on. 🙂 Which leads me to the topic for my story and what inspired me to pick that topic. Well I’m sure most of you have heard about the recent shooting in Texas, and for those of you who haven’t some nut job went and opened fire on a church killing, children, women, the elderly. He showed no mercy to any of them. It hit me hard to hear something like that. I mean at a church of all places. It got me thinking to myself what is going on in this world? Like really? What is going on? Mass shootings everywhere, rape, homicide (other than shootings), we have kids killing kids, parents killing kids, and then we have people killing themselves. It’s all sad truths of the world we live in. As a parent of three it makes me wonder should I fear in the morning as I drop my four-year old off at pre school that she won’t make it back to me? Should I be nervous every time I go to a concert or public gathering, should I then be afraid that I will never make it home. Then if I leave the concert safely should I be afraid to be hit by a drunk driver while I am on my way home? I tend to over think sometimes but then again what artist doesn’t? I had a cousin commit suicide a few years ago. I loved him dearly, it hit the family pretty hard, there was all sorts of mixed emotions going on. It’s also very true that you never forget the last conversation you had with a person before they passed away, the last conversation I had with him unfortunately was a year before he passed. The family knew for the most part what was going on with him but then it also made me think every day everyone fights their own demons. These demons some people know nothing about. I don’t know about you, but I have a best friend and although I tell her many things I don’t tell her everything. I imagine most of do the same thing. What is it that makes us hide these things from our loved ones? Is it because we are ashamed, or embarrassed? Is it because we don’t want to be judged or have people pity us and our stories. The last reason is my personal reason, when I leave details out about my life it’s because I don’t want the other person to pity me or feel bad. Something about that makes me feel terrible about myself. But it’s what we don’t reveal that eats us up inside. It kind of makes me wonder what demons my cousin never spoke about out loud. Where did the biggest demon hide. Because it’s the worst of the worst that doesn’t escape our lips and I had heard so much from him that I cannot imagine what could have been worst. RIP cuz, I love you. So from all these events I developed inspiration… so my story is about a woman who battles her own demons in this world we live in. Trying to keep her head above water. But life becomes so difficult after the loss of her son….

 

She was awoken in the middle of the night when she heard the shower running. She looked at her phone, the light blinding her, after she gained focus on the time she realized it was only 2:46 AM. She felt a knot in her stomach. Something did not feel quite right. She got up from her bed and walked out of her room into the hallway. Her feet grew cold, and clammy. Horror rose from inside of her. There was water seeped into the carpet. She ran down the hallway her feet splashing as she ran to the bathroom. Water was leaking out from underneath the door. She tried to open it, it was locked. She began banging. “DOMINIQUE!” she shrieked in horror. The panic you only hear from a mother. “DOMINIQUE OPEN THE DOOR!” There was no reply on the other side. Acting quickly she began to attempt knocking the door down.

 

Well there is your sneak peek for the day. Thank you everyone who is reading. Anyone who is battling their demons remember you are stronger and suicide should not be an option and you are very much-loved. Show kindness to everyone because you don’t know what they could be going through. I love you all. Happy veterans day everyone. Thank you all my friends and family who have served you are the greatest!